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January 28, 2005
My dearest sweet Linda,
I do not know why someone would want to take such a beautiful life of a
young lady such as you. When I heard the phone call that you were gone,
my heart pounded three times as fast and my whole body froze. I’ve asked
God that he’d better give me a good reason as to why you have to leave us
so soon and so sudden, without a word of good-bye. And if it is got a
good reason, then I will not accept it. Even at this very moment, I still
do not accept the reason why you are not here with me today.
So, what am I suppose to do now?
We always hang out at the beach together every summer. Do you still remember
how we would not eat the whole day just to wait for dinner time to go and eat
at Philip’s All You Can Eat Buffet? It’s still winter time, but I am already
thinking about summer and planning our beach trip together.
Remember our “shopping missions”? You, Huong and I would have a mission to
accomplish when we head out to the mall. Who’s going to hold me back when I
have the urge to buy another handbag? Who’s going to stop me from buying
another pair of shoes? It takes the two of you to control my shopping craves.
But now that you are gone, how can I complete my shopping missions without you?
I can not believe that the last shopping mission that Huong and I accomplished
was on Monday. Our mission was to shop for you. To find the perfect outfit so
you can wear on the day you see God. A mission that Huong and I did not want
to complete, but I know that you needed to look your very best I hope you like
the outfit that we picked out for you.
And what about our girls night out? I was just about to email you to ask where
you wanted to go to eat. But I guess I will not be able to hear the answer now.
Oh Linda, I’m going to miss what you have to share with me every time we get
together. Whether it’s good news or bad news, you always let me know. But
heh, isn’t that what sisters are here for? To share and to listen?
You are my closest cousin, so close that I let everyone know that you are my
little sister and not my cousin. I still remember how we grew up together.
One time we were playing dress up and I was curling your hair. I used the
doll’s curlers to curl your hair and you would run around the house showing
everyone what I did. You were about 4 years old and I was about 11. And
remember when we speak in French to each other? Even though our French
sounded choppy, we still managed to understand ourselves.
Linda, as I am typing this letter, tears are rolling down my cheeks and my
tummy is churning. My fingers are so stiff that it is making me difficult to
type this letter. I want you to know that I know, and you know that it is
not your fault of why you are not here with me anymore. Please know that you
will
always be in my heart for always. I will never forget your sweet sweet smile
because there are so many things that remind me of you. When I look at other
people, loving life, I think of you. When it’s a beautiful day, it’s because
of you. You are the sunshine that makes it beautiful. When I hug my
daughters, I am hugging you. You see, I will never forget you because
you are everywhere.
From a cute little girl who pretended that she was a model posing at every
camera that she saw to a beautiful young lady with so many dreams and
accomplishments. But now, you will have to take a very long break from your
goal map. Don’t worry, any of your dreams and accomplishments that have not
been completed will be done by others, just like yourself. They all share
your dreams and will finish them for you.
This is not a good-bye letter. I know are you still here and will always be
here with me. I just want to let you know how much I love you and how much
I am proud of you.
Love always,
Chi Hanh
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